Updated: Feb 6, 2018
Do you ever feel like the life you're leading could totally be a movie? I've always wished my life could turn into a movie right before my eyes. But not like a reality TV show with the cameras following me around. More like there's a hypothetical alien floating around in his invisible ship in space and he's just watching my life from all these invisible cameras that are always following me around. Not knowing that I'm being filmed offers the best reaction which is honest emotion.
I've had a really difficult month and an extremely rough start to 2018. My life has just thrown choice after choice at my face and I can't keep up. And being unemployed for so long has left me so frustrated. What am I supposed to do with all this time that I haven't
truly experienced having my whole life. Sure, there's been vacations or summer holiday where I enjoy having a month to
literally do nothing. But at the end of it all I know I'm going back to school, or to an internship, or that job that's about to start. Right now I'm at a point in my life where I don't know when this "vacation" of sorts is going to end. I have way too much time on my hands and I don't know what to do with it. It offers to much time to think, too much silence. All this time really makes me question what is it that people do with their time? How does my timeline affect another's?
What's been really strange lately is all the people in my life asking me the same question that I am SO SICK OF HEARING:
"What's wrong? What's happening? You seem different."
Well I'm lost. I thought I knew what I wanted and now I'm at a crossroads questioning if that's really what I wanted all along.
I just saw the movie Molly's Game which exhibited what I want. The main character Molly Bloom shows MOTIVATION and perseverance. It honestly doesn't matter what she's doing, she always gives her best. She's a champion no matter what. And this motivation and mindset that I CAN DO SOMETHING is definitely what I've been lacking. My entire life I've always gotten what I wanted through hard work and figuring out how to get it. I'm just lacking motivation.
Right now I live in Melbourne. I made the move after finishing my Bachelors in Film and TV Production in Los Angeles with the intention to work in the film industry.
The other question I always get asked which I'm ALSO SICK OF HEARING: "Why'd you leave LA if you want to make movies?"
Because I freaking love a challenge and coming to Melbourne, a city which I really love with lovely people, is a challenge.
A BIG CHALLENGE. A challenge that's making me question everything I've ever known. And isn't that the whole point? It's dangerous being so sure of everything. I'm blessed to have this opportunity, I'm blessed to be given this time to think, I'm blessed period.
So what's next? I have the option to figure out a way to stay in Melbourne and not give up everything I've worked for here OR I have the option to move back to LA and finally get a chance to work in the film industry I've always dreamed of working in. What if I wasn't ever meant to work in LA though? What if my goal in life was to make my mark in Australia. I'm doing something completely opposite. I left LA, I left the industry, and I feel if I go back all the work I've done here in Melbourne will have been for nothing.
Also, I highly recommend watching Molly's Game! #mollysgamemovie